I've cut the dose to almost half. My body notices big time!! Not a pleasant feeling. :-( feels so itchy on my arms and they won't sit still. This is horrible. I have been on the oxycodone on and off... mainly on for the last 12 to 15 years already. Getting off completely is so so hard. I think I want more but my mind is being tuff. I won't back down. It's going to take a long time but I'm in no hurry. I can hang tight. I hope I don't break and do one regular dose. It's all a mind fuck I'm telling you. The body is addicted as hell so there is no easy way out. Nope. Grin and bare it.
My body is weak. I sit here and think about it a lot more than I should be. My arms like I said are so bothersome! I keep wanting to itch and rub them . One of the worst parts. So shitty. I am not sick feeling. I'm ok there which is weird. My hearing is muffled and I get ringing in my ears non stop! Argh! Dizzy, yes... very dizzy. Standing up fast makes me have to stop what I'm doing, wherever I'm at, and sort of bend down and hold my kneews, taking deep breaths. I usually hold onto furniture to balance myself. I can't eat, no way. The body's natural reaction is to just grab that extra half! NO!!! I can't go back now. The weening part is very helpful, even tho detoxing from this is a pain in the ass!
My husband is proud of me, my mom, my brother.... a lot of my friends. I have a GREAT support system. Thru this crap, you need backup. Talking, and in my case, blogging, helps get me thru a lot and to "get it all out". I used to bottle things up and get stressed so bad I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Not anynore. Not after I get it completely out of my body.
I'm scared, it's filled with anxiety and stress.... discomfort is an understatement! I'm so shocked on how bad a human body takes in opiates and becomes highly addicted. My body feels like I haven't eaten in days, but I had Chinese food last night.... I was able to keep it down. I can't get enough water. I'm constantly thirsty. I keep wanting to bite my nails lol. Sometimes I just sit here and count the time, it never goes fast... I swear it takes a long time. They say after I quit all the way, it only takes about a week to get over the worst, the first 3 days is when all hell breaks loose and you feel your mind and body are being tourcherd. I can survive it. This right now, the cutting down isn't anything compared to the full detox.
I keep reminding myself that I will and can do this. It's not a problem to where I'm like "I have to have it!!" It's just I built a high tolerance to it all. I mean.... aftrr surgery, they had me on 5 30mg oxycodone all day but what shocked me is how they would do the dilaudid in 2 to 4mg shots in my IV and it didn't help not 1 bit. That's enough to lay out several people! That was my triggrr.... too much and sometimes it wasn't enough. My pain is slowly subsiding in my back. I can just take ibuprofen. We'll see if that works? I hope so. As soon as the oxycodone starts to wear off, in need of another dose, now I smoke. I don't care who knows. It helps with detoxing big time!
My goal: get off oxycodone and get my medical marijuana card. Natural healing. It's going to take time. It won't happen overnight.
So from last night.... 1:30am is when I started my day. My sleeping is so bad! I'm going to talk with the doctor and see if there is anything that will help the symptoms. I know there is something to make this easier on my body. Might have to learn the hard way? To remember just how hard it was to get it out of my life and that I never want to detox again!
Ta Ta for now. Time for some coffee before Starbucks opens st 4:30am. I'm going to relax. Feels good to get all my thoughts out there for people to see. Thanks for reading :-)
Drop me a line once in awhile people! I'm just a call away! Thank you for being there for me. I can do tuff things ms :-)
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