Good morning :-)
Woke up this morning early again, 3am. We have a Scentsy warmer that is a sort of mellow nightlight. I can see him sleeping and I just want to jump back in and hold him. He's so handsome. I look at him, I know I've got a smile on my face :-) he looks so peaceful.
I lay there and stare at him, watching him and think about all the good memories, the love we share together. Just the way how much in love with him I am. It feels amazing. I found the one who I will be with for my life, that's huge coming from me.... a strong woman who needed no man to make me happy. I swore I would never ever get married. Wow was I wrong as hell. I lay there and run my fingers thru his afro lol and he gently wakes up.... smiling. He tells me he loves me literally the time I get up in the morning. So sweet and one hell of an awesome way to start my day :-)
We just "fit together" unlike anything I've ever felt. I wish everyone could feel this feeling of pure love, real love.... I don't use "love" in light terms. It's real. I never knew this feeling. It's incredible! My heart gets warm, my body does when he rubs my arm, runs his fingers thru my hair or holds my hand... kind of rubbing my pressure points and just overall... my hands, my face. There are not enough words to describe it. It's magical. The human touch is a cure for all illnesses. I get emotional in different ways and just by touch (is it reassurance? ) it slowly melts away. I swear by it. I mean... you know how good it feels in general and it's so soothing. I love it. Swear by it, so next time you need to relax as your mind is full of racing thoughts and/or emotions that you're having a hard time explaining, grab a loved one and hug them, hold a hand, etc. So anyways. .....
I have thought I had "loved before" and I have. I cared about those men (3) with all my heart but it wasn't like what I have now. This feeling after 6 YEARS you guys... wow... 6 years hasn't changed except for my love, how it's grown all this time. How much more can I love someone I wonder sometimes. But it's endless. He makes me feel like the woman I am. All my quirks, goofiness... you get the picture lol. I'm a goofball and I love it.
I worry. I'm human. This is life.... reality bites you in the ass sometimes. I think of what's going to happen to him as we go on together. His brain condition really worries me. I'm doing everything I can to find something that will stop the progression of this debilitating disease. I've tried to get OHSU do more research on it, something has to help. There are no medications that work/help at all. It's so hard to watch him slowly try to get used to living with this. No one in their mid 30's thinks about how long they have in their life. It's devastating for the both of us. I get weak in my heart.
I know i say it.... he IS the most amazing man on this planet. Warm, gentle, loving, caring.... so many things a woman only wishes she had (unless you're where we're at). I get so upset about knowing his life won't be as long as a person who doesn't have it. It kills me with endless thoughts of what to do. It's not fair! Why him? Someone who loves the earth, nature... life. Why couldn't "God" give this to someone else? The junkie on the dtreet? Some asshole who is evil? Not my Richard! I've never met a man like him, ever. He's absolutely perfect in my world! I'm a fighter... I have to reassure him he is strong in his mind and that's what counts. Keeping as positive as we can has got us this whole time. We'll keep fighting this. I wont stop. He'll be with me, side by side, and we won't give up! !!
I'm thankful he chose me. I locked eyes that first hang out (it wasn't a "date" really, that's another thread coming soon). I'll never forget that :-) he came out of nowhere into my life. How lucky am I. Thru all these levels his condition does to him I'll be right there. We're a team. He loves that I take such good care of him. I have a passion inside me. I'm strong. I'm a lover ♡♡♡ I'll be the best wife that I can be. I'm scared, yes.... but I won't be knocked down.
I lay there and stare at him, watching him and think about all the good memories, the love we share together. Just the way how much in love with him I am. It feels amazing. I found the one who I will be with for my life, that's huge coming from me.... a strong woman who needed no man to make me happy. I swore I would never ever get married. Wow was I wrong as hell. I lay there and run my fingers thru his afro lol and he gently wakes up.... smiling. He tells me he loves me literally the time I get up in the morning. So sweet and one hell of an awesome way to start my day :-)
We just "fit together" unlike anything I've ever felt. I wish everyone could feel this feeling of pure love, real love.... I don't use "love" in light terms. It's real. I never knew this feeling. It's incredible! My heart gets warm, my body does when he rubs my arm, runs his fingers thru my hair or holds my hand... kind of rubbing my pressure points and just overall... my hands, my face. There are not enough words to describe it. It's magical. The human touch is a cure for all illnesses. I get emotional in different ways and just by touch (is it reassurance? ) it slowly melts away. I swear by it. I mean... you know how good it feels in general and it's so soothing. I love it. Swear by it, so next time you need to relax as your mind is full of racing thoughts and/or emotions that you're having a hard time explaining, grab a loved one and hug them, hold a hand, etc. So anyways. .....
I have thought I had "loved before" and I have. I cared about those men (3) with all my heart but it wasn't like what I have now. This feeling after 6 YEARS you guys... wow... 6 years hasn't changed except for my love, how it's grown all this time. How much more can I love someone I wonder sometimes. But it's endless. He makes me feel like the woman I am. All my quirks, goofiness... you get the picture lol. I'm a goofball and I love it.
I worry. I'm human. This is life.... reality bites you in the ass sometimes. I think of what's going to happen to him as we go on together. His brain condition really worries me. I'm doing everything I can to find something that will stop the progression of this debilitating disease. I've tried to get OHSU do more research on it, something has to help. There are no medications that work/help at all. It's so hard to watch him slowly try to get used to living with this. No one in their mid 30's thinks about how long they have in their life. It's devastating for the both of us. I get weak in my heart.
I know i say it.... he IS the most amazing man on this planet. Warm, gentle, loving, caring.... so many things a woman only wishes she had (unless you're where we're at). I get so upset about knowing his life won't be as long as a person who doesn't have it. It kills me with endless thoughts of what to do. It's not fair! Why him? Someone who loves the earth, nature... life. Why couldn't "God" give this to someone else? The junkie on the dtreet? Some asshole who is evil? Not my Richard! I've never met a man like him, ever. He's absolutely perfect in my world! I'm a fighter... I have to reassure him he is strong in his mind and that's what counts. Keeping as positive as we can has got us this whole time. We'll keep fighting this. I wont stop. He'll be with me, side by side, and we won't give up! !!
I'm thankful he chose me. I locked eyes that first hang out (it wasn't a "date" really, that's another thread coming soon). I'll never forget that :-) he came out of nowhere into my life. How lucky am I. Thru all these levels his condition does to him I'll be right there. We're a team. He loves that I take such good care of him. I have a passion inside me. I'm strong. I'm a lover ♡♡♡ I'll be the best wife that I can be. I'm scared, yes.... but I won't be knocked down.
Thank you universe for our paths crossing ♡♡♡
And then.. I'll say that for later.
I love you Richard
I love you Richard
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